Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
