4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
