So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
