I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
