he puts the penis in happiness.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
