Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
