The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
