Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
