So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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