it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Randomize
