The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
