My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
