he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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