i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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