I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
