If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
