dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
All the doctor said was why
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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