I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Randomize
