The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
