Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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