CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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