Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
