She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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