If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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