that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
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