I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
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