u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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