My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
