uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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