What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
