After last night, I could never be a politician.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
