I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
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