Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Randomize