so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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