New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
