Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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