i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
