I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
