Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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