If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
