may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
