there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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