i need an iv and a liver transplant
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
