Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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