i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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