She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
