Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
