"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Randomize
