have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Randomize
