By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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