i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
don't judge my taste in strippers
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
