last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
