If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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