Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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