I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
My liver just had a heart attack.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
