you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
