Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
