...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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