with your own penis?
Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
