I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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