The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm determined to sit on that face.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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