Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
