please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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